After five long years
Brother Borium and Brother Truman returned to the abbey
And found that Brother Nolan was the abbot and just as crabby
“Oh, Brother Nolan, don’t turn us away,” pleaded Brother Truman and knelt down to pray.
“Our errant departure led to a life of hell,” said Brother Borium as tears began to well. “We’ve been victims of those under Beelzebub’s spell and a spate of misfortune none of us could foretell.”
“And now you want to return to the place you once did ridicule and spurn?” asked Brother Nolan. “No, you sought the path of sin and in Hell you shall burn. Reduced to piles of ash in the Devil’s own urn.”
“Brother Nolan, please!” yelled Brother Truman. “If you leave us out here we will surely freeze!”
“Brother Nolan, we return with the utmost shame,” cried Brother Borium. “But if you hear us out you’ll see that we’re not to blame.”
Brother Nolan eyed them with deep mistrust. “Go on, if you must. I’ll hear what you have to say, but don’t think that will allow you to stay.”
“We were abducted and taken to the land of the Norse,” stated Brother Truman.
“And forced to be sex slaves for a man hung like a horse,” added Brother Borium.
Brother Nolan stared with mouth agape and then stammered. “B…b…but how did you escape?”
“One night he was drunk and we gave him the slip,” replied Brother Truman.
“And then disguised ourselves as Vikings and sailed in their ship,” Brother Borium continued.
“Diabolical berserkers to say the least,” said Brother Nolan. “Evil men who are brothers to the Beast.”
“Well, we arrived on Anglo shore and met a priest,” Brother Truman continued further. “And decided to join him on a pilgrimage east.”
“But we befriended a Sultan and things fell apart,” said Brother Borium. “His deviousness we should have known from the start.”
“Yes, we should have been more vigilant and known the risks,” admitted Brother Truman. “For now we had to satisfy his odalisques.”
“Oh what degradation others condone!” cried Brother Nolan.
“But we were told that what he has never has grown,” said Brother Borium.
“So, we had to put a plan into action,” said Brother Truman. “And waited for them to sleep after some late night satisfaction.”
“It was then our resolve was put to the test,” said Brother Borium. “And it was a challenging task to return to the west.”
“So that is our story, we can say no more,” Brother Truman concluded. “And we beseech you now to let us through the door.”
“I was most displeased when you decided to roam,” said Brother Nolan. “But welcome my brothers, welcome home.”