Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Oh, sister 20. (Memoirs of Nerys Jones iv)

Sally wasn’t the only one that got a visit from a copper
I did too and let me tell you
My boyo had an astoundin’ whopper
The problem was that it was a perpetual flopper
That poor boyo
Blessed with a giant that was only for show
I tried to arouse him with my usual tricks
But still it remained at half past six
I next expected twelve o’ clock
But at least a bit of movement from the useless bloody…
I shouldn’t mock
And at least I didn’t talk
Word would’ve made him a laughin’ stock
I tried rubbin’ it hard and caressin’ it slow
But still the bloody thing wouldn’t grow
Life had dealt him a bitter blow
And he always left here feelin’ low
I can’t say that I blame him for not gettin’ to grips
I even tried to use my lips
But no
His futile floppy didn’t want to know
It was dead
The poor lad’s longin’ was all in his head
Desire is human
But seein’ his anguish made me glad to be a woman
Ladies, imagine if you can
The plight of this unfortunate man
Instead of bein’ proud of bein’ well endowed
He was cursed with one of life’s unfortunate quirks
Havin’ a giant todger that never works
Oh, I can picture your smirks
But have you ever seen a man with tears in his eyes
In utter despair because his pride won’t rise
It was bloody tragic
Watchin’ him pray for a little bit of magic
And then fall to the floor and writhe on the ground
Makin’ the most pitiful sound
Eventually he stopped comin’ around
Rumour had it that the poor sod had drowned
And although a body was never found
Robert had met him in a pub one night
And told me that he sensed somethin’ wasn’t right
He knew the coppers and knew all their names
My flopper copper was Constable James
Robert got the impression that he was sufferin’ from depression
And when he said that he was plannin’ to jump in the Thames
Robert wasn’t sure if he was playin’ games
My belief is that he chose to die
And no one but I will ever know why

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