Sunday, 1 May 2016

Oh, sister 21. (Memoirs of Robert Brown v)

In for a penny in for a pound
Take that approach an’ riches can be found
If ye don’t take a chance ye’re never gonnae get
An’ ah knew Siobhan’s lover would be ma best bet yet
Siobhan never knew that ah knew aboot Yvette
So when ah related that tae her she wis terribly upset
Ah told her no tae fret
It wisnae her reputation that wis under threat
It wis the esteem o’ her rich paramour
Naebody wis concerned aboot the sins o’ a whore
Siobhan broke the news tae her the very next day
An’ she came tae the hoose withoot delay
She even brought that halfwit Giles
So ah flashed him one o’ ma best fake smiles
And sent him tae Siobhan tae get his licks
Or whatever way the idiot got his kicks
Leavin’ me wi’ the lovely Yvette
Ah’ve always been partial tae a tasty brunette
“I can’t say that I’m pleased to meet you, Mr. Brown,” she said. “Is there somewhere we can go and sit down?”
“The drawin’ room is undergoin’ some significant repairs,” ah replied. “But we can go tae ma study at the top o’ the stairs.”
Ah thought that ma facetiousness would’ve had her riled
But she got the humour an’ merely smiled
“Anywhere is fine, just lead the way,” she told me. “I’ve only come to listen to what you have to say.”
So ah took her tae ma office that wis oan the first floor
And offered a drink when ah opened the door
“A wee dram o’ whisky?” ah asked her. “Or perhaps a brandy instead?”
“Nothing for me,” she replied wi’ a shake o’ the head.
Ah pulled oot a chair for the bonnie lass
Grabbed the bottle o’ whisky an’ poured a glass
An’ then sat doon opposite the lady o’ class
“Mr. Brown, how much will it take?” she asked. “My standing in society is evidently at stake.”
“Call me Robert, please,” ah told her. “Ah’d like tae feel that we were baith at ease.”
“And you may call me Yvette,” she said. “You still haven’t answered my question yet.”
“Well, ah’m no a man tae make an idle threat, Yvette,” ah said. “An’ money is no the only thing ah’m oot tae get.”
“Dear Robert, are you suggesting three?” she asked me. “You, Siobhan and me?”
For a few brief moments ah wis fantasisin’. “Naw,” ah said tae her. “But the thought o’ that is very tantalisin’.”
“So, what is it you want from me?” she asked and chortled wi’ glee.
“Ah want tae mix wi’ people o’ your class,” ah answered. “An’ you’re the wan that’s gonnae help me pass.”
“Well, that wasn’t quite what I expected,” she said. “A desire for prestige and to be well respected. Robert, I can sense that you’re a man of intellect, but I do propose that you abandon that silly dialect.”
“The dialect is purely a matter of choice,” ah said to her in ma poshest voice. “But to achieve one’s dream, one must be hell bent. I can adopt the voice of a proper gent.”
“My dear man, I do believe you can,” she said. “Other things will be required for playing the part. Clothes, money and title for a start.”   
“An’ Giles’ demise,” ah added an’ begot her surprise.
“And why would you want him dead?” she asked. “It’s a rather drastic course of action just to get into my bed.”
“It’s the only way we can legally wed,” ah said.
We were interrupted by Siobhan knockin’ oan the door
“I will return to see you so that we can discuss this more,” she said. “Now, open the door for that adorable little whore.” 

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