Sunday, 8 May 2016

Oh, sister 23. (Memoirs of Siobhan MacGeary v)

So Robert and Yvette were plannin’ to wed
But I was the one that would be sharin’ her bed
Well, as soon as Giles was bumped off
I still wonder what she saw in that dreadful little toff
Prominence I suppose
More important than love to a toffee nose
He was a pompous swine
And that girly giggle and nasal whine
It was enough to drive ye insane
Payment was a bonus for inflictin’ pain
But I never wished him dead
Especially not naked in my bloody bed
A heart attack
It happened after I’d given him his umpteenth whack
His time was up and he was about to get dressed
When suddenly he cried and held his chest
Staggered backwards and fell on the bed
From the look o’ his eyes I could tell that he was dead
I can tell ye that I was in a state o’ disarray
I was still a bit shaky from the one the other day
I screamed for Robert as I didn’t know what else to do
Seconds later he came runnin’ through
“I think he’s dead,” I said with utter dread.
Robert went to look at him on the bed and nodded his head. “Aye, deid withoot havin’ tae bleed. This is very good news indeed. At least ah don’t have tae dae the grisly deed.”
I began to fret. “Oh, Robert, what are we goin’ to tell Yvette?”
“Don’t you worry, pet,” he said. “Ah’ll go an’ get Yvette. Ah’m sure she’ll no be that upset.”
“Do you have to go alone?” I asked. “I don’t fancy stayin’ here on my own.”
Before he left he kissed my cheek. “Ah better hurry,” he said. “It’ll no be long until he starts tae reek.”
He returned with Yvette within the hour
“Oh, Siobhan!” she cried. “Do not worry, my little flower.”
“Time tae get rid o’ the stiff,” Robert said. “Ah don’t want the hoose tae have a whiff.”
“Yes, there is little time for chat,” Yvette concurred. “Tell me, Robert, how are you going to do that?”
“He’s no too big an’ he’s no too fat,” Robert responded. “Siobhan, ah’ll need a dress an’ shoes an’ a wide brimmed hat.”
“Robert, I don’t understand,” said Yvette. “What exactly do you have planned?”     
“We’re goin’ tae expose his secret life,” Robert replied. “An’ you’ll get tae play the flabbergasted wife.”
“You mean to tell me that he’s going to be found?” cried Yvette. “Do you know how quickly word will get around?”
“Aye, don’t ye see?” Robert said. “That can only be good for me. We could wed immediately withoot raisin’ suspicion an’ ah can get started wi’ securin’ ma ambition.”
With the help o’ the undertaker we got the body away
And dumped him in a nearby alleyway
We dressed him in a bright pink gown
And the followin’ day it was the talk o’ the town
Very soon we’d all be free
As long as we kept it secret from the other three
The one that worried me the most was Nerys
She still hadn’t asked for money to hold her peace

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