Oh, sister 24. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee v)

We all got requests that were exceptionally bizarre

But the ones that I got were crazier by far

Some were kinky and some were perverted

But seldom was I disconcerted

That was due to somethin’ that Robert had imparted

About a fool and his money and how soon they were parted

With Robert lookin’ out for us we never had to worry

A rowdy customer would have been removed in a hurry

Not that any did us harm

Robert might have had charm

But the Scot’s fiery temper was cause for alarm

All our efforts were appreciated

He just didn’t like a lass to be inebriated

That was somethin’ he never tolerated

But one night a customer came in

And wanted me to share his bottle o’ gin

Robert’s rule I had to ignore

This was easy money for a thirsty whore

So while I locked the door

The customer got two mugs and began to pour

Down the hatch they went and he filled them once more

I think I lost count after drink number four

But we carried on drinkin’ ‘til there was hardly any more

That’s when I stood up and fell to the floor

I managed to get up and stagger to the door

With difficulty I should add as my leg was sore

Oh, mercy me

I was really quite drunk and needed to pee

Moments later I was aghast

When the man I was with wouldn’t let me past

I began to plead

“Please, sir,” I said. “I have an urgent need.”

But he was totally unconcerned about my dismay

And when I tried to get past he blocked the way

I felt the pressure mountin’

And heard him mention somethin’ about a human fountain

That was to be me

And he was goin’ to be the W.C.

Well, at that point in time I didn’t care about humiliation

I was on the verge of desperation

So I quickly pulled my bloomers down

And he crawled eagerly underneath my gown

I instantly got goin’ and he cried out with elation

When he felt the gush of the sordid saturation

As soon as I was done I showed him the door

Excitedly he told me that he’d soon be back for more

“Ye can come back next week,” I said. “Bring another bottle o’ gin and I’ll provide the leak.”

Immediately I got goin’ and scrubbed the floor

And not long afterwards there was a knock on my door

“Sally, what the hell is goin’ on?” cried Siobhan.

I got up of the floor and swore

And then hid what was left o’ the gin and invited her in

“What happened to that man?” she asked. “He was absolutely soakin’.”

When I told her the truth she thought that I was jokin’