Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Oh, sister 17. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop iv)

There was a definite change in Robert Brown
Struttin’ around like a man about town
A workin’ class man from the land of the thistle
Thinkin’ ‘es the bee’s knees in ‘is tailor made whistle
You know, whistle and flute
I’m talkin’ about ‘is bleedin’ suit
I can understand that bein’ ‘ard to compre’end
If you wasn’t born in London’s East End
Like when I asked ‘im, “Where the ‘ell did you get the bees?”
The bugger replied, “Nancy, could ye repeat that in English please.”
“The bees and ‘oney!” I yelled at ‘im. “The bleedin’ money!”
Whisky in ‘and and leanin’ back in ‘is chair, ‘e said, “There wis a wee bit spare. Don’t worry, ye’re gettin’ yer fair share.”
“No, things ain’t the same,” I said to ‘im. “What’s your game?”
That smile of ‘is can be so infuriatin’
“Nancy,” ‘e said. “Don’t keep the customers waitin’.”
First up was one that I named Little Rick
On account of ‘im ‘avin’ the world’s smallest…
I swear I ain’t takin’ the mick
It was really small
About the size of me pinky when it was standin’ tall
Now, Rick didn’t like that at all
So, when ‘e came to call
I ‘ad to wait eagerly
For ‘im to whip it out and let me see
Then clap me ‘ands and squeal with surprise
And pretend that it was an incredible size
For the first few visits that did the trick
“I’d even say things like, “Oh, ‘ave you come to show me your magnificent…”
Know what I mean?
Just kind words to keep ‘im keen
But one day ‘e came and sat down and cried
And complained that ‘is missus weren’t satisfied
I felt so sorry for the poor geezer
It was ‘ardly surprisin’ that ‘e couldn’t please ‘er
So, for an extra charge
And once again convincin’ ‘im that it was incredibly large
I pulled me dress up and me bloomers down
And saw a smile replace ‘is frown
It was the worst experience I ‘ad in me life
And for the duration of the encounter I pitied ‘is wife
But I ‘ad to play the part
Screamin’ with pleasure like a professional tart
Men are not that complicated
So long as their egos are kept inflated
My little performance was appreciated
And Rick went away ‘appily sated
But ‘e always came back for more
Four times a week ‘e would knock on my door
I soon got bored with the same routine
Tellin’ ‘im that it was the biggest I’ve seen
So I decided to teach ‘im a trick or two
Where to go and what not to do
And seein’ that ‘e weren’t well ‘ung
I soon got ‘im skilled in the use of ‘is tongue

No comments:

Post a Comment