Norman the Ned by Grant Harbison

Norman was an infamous Ned

And in Glasgow’s inner city

He was born and bred

A wilful wide boy

A stereotype

Famed for his aggression

He relished the hype

A heartless hooligan

Devoid of pity

Norman’s notoriety spread through the city

Infamy that begot many foes

And with cumulative rapidity his problems arose

But Norman was reckless

Norman was smug

Nothing fazed the thoughtless thug

And laxity is what had brought about his plight

Out on his own late at night

He’d been truly confounded and utterly dumbfounded

When he’d found himself completely surrounded

With no chance of escape

He’d stared at his foe

As they’d cracked their knuckles and moved in slow

He’d tried to retaliate

At least give it a go

But they’d soon knocked him down

Blow by blow

Kicks to the body

Kicks to the head

Norman had groaned

Norman had bled

And then the inevitable

In true Glasgow style

The customary slash

The Glasgow smile

But Norman is doing well

Norman is fine

And the stitching looks good

Line by line