Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Oh, sister 10. (Memoirs of Nerys Jones ii)

I’ve never been one to back down
Somethin’ just intrigued me about Robert Brown
He certainly was a handsome man
But I knew in his head there was a cunnin’ plan
And that wicked grin
A tell-tale sign that the Devil was within
So when I asked him what was in it for me
“Sixty percent for us,” he told me. “Forty for the other three.”
I might not have had much education
But that sounded to me like a fair allocation
“Jist leave everythin’ tae me,” he said. “We’ll aw get rich, ye’ll see.”
And he was right
We had scores of punters every night
And we worked from dusk ‘til mornin’ light
Well, you couldn’t really call it work
Gratifyin’ some toffee nose’s quirk
Robert instructed us to be polite to our guests
And each one took charge of certain requests
Unless the customer chose to select another
But usually Siobhan got to act as a mother
It was always me when it came to a smother
And Sally
Bein’ petite
Always had demands for her neat little feet
Even Nancy had her use
She had a knack for verbal abuse
Screamin’ and shoutin’ in her Cockney twang
Confusin’ them too with her rhymin’ slang
It was hardly a surprise that due to my size
That no other was ever chosen to smother
I’d sit on these men until they were gaspin’ for breath
Squashin’ some of them half to death
Occasionally I’d have Nancy with me too
That was always a right hullaballoo
As soon as she’d hear one grunt
She’d scream, “Shut your mouth, you slimy little …”
You know the word that I mean
One that’s obscene
Yes, she was always that blunt
Addin’ to the distress of the poor little runt
I got to enjoy inflictin’ pain
A feelin’ of power when I was usin’ my cane
A few even asked me to be a schoolmaster
Crikey, at first I thought that it would be a disaster
I didn’t know much about writin’ and sums
But all they wanted was whacks on their bums
It was quite enthrallin’ bein’ dressed as a man
Givin’ their behinds a jolly good tan
They were tremendously happy to be abused
And if Victoria had known she’d have been far from amused 

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