Thursday, 17 March 2016

Oh, sister 6. (Memoirs of Robert Brown ii)

If an opportunity presents itself
An’ that opportunity can lead tae wealth
Ye grab it nae matter what anybody says
Bein’ bound tae integrity never pays
Ah’m no here tae toil for the upper classes
An’ others that get rich oan the sweat o’ the masses
Naw, slowly is how a poor life passes
An’ rich ah wis gonnae be wi’ the help o’ the lassies
The plan began when ah moved in wi’ Nancy
When a customer arrived an’ she enquired aboot his fancy
Ah never heard what the punter said
So ah waited ‘til they were done an’ she got paid
An’ asked her aboot his request
Tae see if there’d be somethin’ o’ interest
The boldness o’ the question caused her tae smile
“What else?” she replied. “Everyone around ’ere wants missionary style.”
That’s what got me thinkin’ aboot the rich
Did some o’ them have another kind o’ itch?
Ah mean, ye hear aw the stories aboot their interbreedin’
Wid the products o’ that be specially needin’?
Could their desire for cruelty be also masochistic?
Ah needed tae know if this wis realistic
Ah had tae get oot an’ aboot
An’ ah had to acquire an expensive suit
That wis easy tae find
Some dandy ah battered fae behind
Wi’ a stick
It wis quick
Robbed him o’ his suit an’ took his cash
Hurriedly dressed an’ then made a dash
The next thing ah needed wis poise
Ah had tae be convincin’ tae get in wi’ these boys
An’ tae put oan ma poshest Scottish voice
Ah didnae have a choice
If ah spoke tae them in ma workin’ class brogue
They’d cotton oan straight away that ah wis a devious rogue
So ah sneaked intae this exclusive club
The people ah wis lookin’ for widnae be found in a pub
Some ponce had the cheek tae ask if ah wis a member
“I’m Lord Brown,” ah told him. “I was here last December. Don’t you remember?”
That seemed tae dae the trick
Jist as well as he wis already gettin’ oan ma wick
The mood soon brightened wi’ whisky
An’ the toffee nosed twits started tae get frisky
Less introverted
An’ ah discovered that their appetites were somewhat perverted
An’ although what they enjoyed wis merr or less the same
Each o’ them enjoyed a different game
Some had a thing aboot feet
But what really tickled me wis the human seat
This was how some o’ the rich behaved
Withoot a care o’ it bein’ sordid and depraved
This wis how money could be made
An’ when ah asked where ah could find women so willin’ tae degrade
Ah wis given the address o’ a lass called Nerys
She wis prosperin’ an’ ah wanted a piece
We made a deal in nae time at aw
Ah think it might have been the threat o’ the law
Ah promised her that ma intention wisnae purely greed
An’ that ah’d help her an’ the other two tae succeed
An’ wi’ Nancy comin’ along tae make up four
Punters wid soon be queuein’ at the door
As long as we aw contributed tae the rent
We’d continue tae attract the upper class gent 

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