Oh, sister 6. (Memoirs of Robert Brown ii)

If an opportunity presents itself

An’ that opportunity can lead tae wealth

Ye grab it nae matter what anybody says

Bein’ bound tae integrity never pays

Ah’m no here tae toil for the upper classes

An’ others that get rich oan the sweat o’ the masses

Naw, slowly is how a poor life passes

An’ rich ah wis gonnae be wi’ the help o’ the lassies

The plan began when ah moved in wi’ Nancy

When a customer arrived an’ she enquired aboot his fancy

Ah never heard what the punter said

So ah waited ‘til they were done an’ she got paid

An’ asked her aboot his request

Tae see if there’d be somethin’ o’ interest

The boldness o’ the question caused her tae smile

“What else?” she replied. “Everyone around ’ere wants missionary style.”

That’s what got me thinkin’ aboot the rich

Did some o’ them have another kind o’ itch?

Ah mean, ye hear aw the stories aboot their interbreedin’

Wid the products o’ that be specially needin’?

Could their desire for cruelty be also masochistic?

Ah needed tae know if this wis realistic

Ah had tae get oot an’ aboot

An’ ah had to acquire an expensive suit

That wis easy tae find

Some dandy ah battered fae behind

Wi’ a stick

It wis quick

Robbed him o’ his suit an’ took his cash

Hurriedly dressed an’ then made a dash

The next thing ah needed wis poise

Ah had tae be convincin’ tae get in wi’ these boys

An’ tae put oan ma poshest Scottish voice

Ah didnae have a choice

If ah spoke tae them in ma workin’ class brogue

They’d cotton oan straight away that ah wis a devious rogue

So ah sneaked intae this exclusive club

The people ah wis lookin’ for widnae be found in a pub

Some ponce had the cheek tae ask if ah wis a member

“I’m Lord Brown,” ah told him. “I was here last December. Don’t you remember?”

That seemed tae dae the trick

Jist as well as he wis already gettin’ oan ma wick

The mood soon brightened wi’ whisky

An’ the toffee nosed twits started tae get frisky

Less introverted

An’ ah discovered that their appetites were somewhat perverted

An’ although what they enjoyed wis merr or less the same

Each o’ them enjoyed a different game

Domination

Humiliation

Some had a thing aboot feet

But what really tickled me wis the human seat

This was how some o’ the rich behaved

Withoot a care o’ it bein’ sordid and depraved

This wis how money could be made

An’ when ah asked where ah could find women so willin’ tae degrade

Ah wis given the address o’ a lass called Nerys

She wis prosperin’ an’ ah wanted a piece

We made a deal in nae time at aw

Ah think it might have been the threat o’ the law

Ah promised her that ma intention wisnae purely greed

An’ that ah’d help her an’ the other two tae succeed

An’ wi’ Nancy comin’ along tae make up four

Punters wid soon be queuein’ at the door

As long as we aw contributed tae the rent

We’d continue tae attract the upper class gent