Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Oh, brother (part 11) by Grant Harbison

The Viking strolled along the monastery path, rubbed his hands together and began to laugh. “Oh, how I love to sail,” he sang. “To the land of Blighty for monks brown ale. To the greenest pastures and exquisite shore; riches for the taking and whores galore.”
Inside the monastery Borium complained. “Oh, how I wish I was never ordained. Life couldn’t be drearier. Last night I even dreamt of Mother Superior.”
“Brother Borium, I pray you will the details spare,” said Brother Truman. “I wish to avoid that nightmare.”
“I have the answer!” Brother Borium cried in jubilation. “We’ll go to Rome for our annual vacation.”
Brother Truman’s response was total theatrical. “Rome, lovely Rome for a sabbatical!” he cried and began to dance. “Delicate wines and holiday romance!”
“Yay!” cried Brother Borium. “Let’s not delay. We’ll pack our things this very day.”
Suddenly outside there was a huge uproar
A terrible din that was impossible to ignore
And the Brothers stumbled and fell to the floor
When the Viking giant crashed through the door
“Young monks!” he roared. “Don’t dismay. My purpose here is not to slay. I’m merely here on holiday. I’ve have a terrible thirst since I set sail. Now one of you fetch me a barrel of ale.”
Brother Truman jumped to the Viking’s demand
But secretly wished someone would take command
And drive them away from the Angel land
As their continuous raids were getting out of hand
“Where is the monk who was my brother’s chum?” asked the Viking. “He goes by the name of Borium.”
“That would be me, great warrior,” replied Borium. “A love so missed, I’ve never been sorrier.”
“I’m pleased to make your acquaintance, my name is Derek. Viking stud and brother of Erik. I’m here to see that he passed the test; not detour here instead of heading west.”
“I’m afraid I never saw him again. Our parting must have caused great pain.”
“I miss him too, my little one. Now remove your robe and let me have my fun.”
Brother Ilirium arrived in the nick of time; just in time to stop the crime. “Oh, Viking one, may I offer you a nun?” 

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