Saturday, 18 June 2016

Oh, sister 32. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop vii)

It was bad enough that Robert ‘ad stolen our money
But ‘avin’ me knickers stolen just weren’t funny
Me underskirts ‘ad gone missin’ too
And ‘oever it was I didn’t ‘ave a clue
I didn’t know what to do
I couldn’t go accusin’ the other two
We might have been virtually skint
And because of Robert we were forced to stint
But I didn’t think any of them would dare
Sneak into the room to pinch me underwear
Not even for a joke
So it ‘ad to be a bloke
Well, if only ‘e’d asked if ‘e wanted to borrow
I would’ve allowed it and said, “Don’t forget to bring them back tomorrow.”
Obviously they’d be used for somethin’ obscene
But as long as they came back clean
And as long as ‘e were willin’ to pay the extra fee
That would ‘ave been fine by me
Keep them ‘appy and they’ll come back for more
I really was an understandin’ ‘ore
And I did my best to please anyone that came through the door
But the thought of one of them stealin’ just made me sore
It really ‘urt
Every pair of knickers and every underskirt
I racked me brains tryin’ to think ‘o it might be
Until it eventually dawned on me
One I got from Sally McGhee
A military man ‘e was without a doubt
With an unnecessary need to scream and shout
The bugger would make me stand at attention
Completely starkers I should mention
And ‘e’d be naked too while ‘e did ‘is inspection
Joyfully fondlin’ ‘is ‘uge erection
Well, that’s what I saw when I dared to look down
And I’d be duly reprimanded by the conceited clown
Screamin’, “Eyes front!”
The man was an utterly arrogant little...
You know what I mean
Pretendin’ not to enjoy ‘avin’ ‘is todger seen
Although me feet got terribly sore
And all I wanted to do was sit on the floor
I did my best to please
And wait for the command to stand at ease
That’s when he’d pick up me clothes
And rub me bloomers against ‘is nose
And then give them a quick inspection
Before puttin’ them over ‘is ‘ead and rubbin’ ‘is erection
When all was done and ‘e had ‘is bit of fun
Me clothes were folded in a neat little pile
And ‘e would lay them on me bed with a satisfied smile
My intuition was right
The same bleedin’ geezer came to visit the next night
I said, “Oi, where’s me bleedin’ knickers?”
But all I got was ‘is usual snickers
“Look,” I said to ‘im. “All I want is me knickers back.”
“And I will bring them back,” ‘e told me. “As long as you promise to be a good girl for Jack.” 

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