Oh, sister 29. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee vi)

I’d been wonderin’ what was wrong with Miss MacGeary

Sittin’ in her room withdrawn and weary

But when she came home one day sad and teary

I couldn’t help but ask her, “What’s up, dearie?”

She threw her arms around me and instantly broke down

And babbled about the rich cow and Robert Brown

I must admit I hadn’t been aware

That Siobhan and the woman had been havin’ an affair

Affairs like these were mostly kept quiet

And few had the courage to even try it

Certainly not me

That kind o’ thing wasn’t for Sally McGhee

But there was no gettin’ away from the fact she’d been mistreated

And no wonder the poor lass was forlorn and defeated

That blasted Robert Brown

After a while he stopped comin’ aroun’

And that had nothin’ to with the treatment o’ Siobhan

It was the fact that all our money had gone

It wasn’t in the place where we usually kept

But that rotten scoundrel was very adept

And must have sneaked in while all o’ us slept

I suppose we only had ourselves to blame

All o’ us knew that the man had no shame

But we were determined to play the same game

And show the bugger that we could be just as shady 

And the first thing we were going to do was make me a lady

It was me that they chose

Because o’ my lovely shoes and fancy clothes

And to those two that made that wonderful donation

The time was ripe for some more manipulation

But who to choose

The one that wears the dresses or the one that sniffs the shoes

Remember when I was dreamin’ like a silly wee whore?

Wonderin’ if one o’ them would come through the door

And say, “Sally McGhee, will you marry me?”

Well, now I had to plant that seed

And find out which one had the greatest need

Which one would react with abject dismay

If I tearfully told them I was goin’ away

I had an idea that it’d be the one that had a fixation with shoes

He’d be so much easier to use and abuse

And I was right

He was dreadfully distraught when I told him one night

 “I cannot abide this life anymore,” I told him. “There is more to life than bein’ a whore. I need to be free and find someone who will marry me.”

“Please don’t do this, you’re all that I’ve got,” he sobbed. “Tell me that you’ll give it a little more thought.”  

“It is not my intention to be unkind,” I said. “I have given it thought and I’ve made up my mind.”

That’s when he got down on one knee

“My darling little whore, I can offer you more,” he said. “Please will you marry me?”

“Alas,” I said to him. “We are chalk and cheese.”

“It doesn’t matter to me, my little sweet pea,” he responded. “Just marry me, please!”

I couldn’t let my excitement show

So I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Oh, I don’t know.”

“I promise to teach you all you’ll need to know,” he cried. “Just marry me and say that you won’t go.”  

“I’m going to need a few days to decide what I want to do,” I responded. “But in the meantime, may I offer you my shoe?”

Oh, sister 28. (Memoirs of Siobhan MacGeary vi)

I became more and more impatient with Robert and Yvette

And the fling that I had with Yvette I began to regret

There was o’ part of me that wished we hadn’t met

And Robert had become a right selfish get

“It’s no the right time yet,” he’d say. “We’re daein’ the best we can, pet.”

For weeks I ignored the others and stayed in my room

But one day I got sick and tired o’ the perpetual gloom

Intuition told me that Robert was a threat

So I decided that I would confront Yvette

I thought, ‘To hell with Robert Brown.’

And I made my way to the other side o’ town

I dressed up real smart

But I was shamed and made to feel like a tart

Aye, a common whore

Told that I could only enter through the back door

And when I was escorted through by the maid

Yvette said to me, “Go away, you silly bitch. You have been paid!”

Aye, ye could say that I was shocked and a wee bit teary

But no one did that to Siobhan MacGeary

“So, I’m just a common whore?’ I asked her. “And there was me thinkin’ there might be more.”

“Go away and never come back,” she said. “I do really hope that you don’t meet Jack.”

“So, it’s you and Robert,” I said. “Is that true?”

“Get out, right now!” she screamed. “It has nothing to do with you!”

I looked at the shock on the face of her maid

Exacerbated when she said, “Why, are you complaining? You were handsomely paid.” 

I could say no more

And walked out the front like a nonchalant whore

My heart felt sore

But she and he weren’t goin’ to get the better of me

And I was goin’ to tell the story to the other three

When I got home late afternoon there was no one there

But the appearance of a man and a woman gave me a scare

I abrubtly asked, “What do you want?”

“A woman is what I want,” she answered. “No one knows that, but there has been the occasional taunt.”

I looked at the man who was extremely gaunt

“I just want to observe,” he told me and giggled. “You could say perv.”

I couldn’t believe the bloody nerve!

So I asked her,” Have you ever done this before?”

“Of course not,” she replied. “That is why I have come to a whore.”

I wanted to show them the door

But instead I asked her, ‘Has yer man become quite a bore?”

“Oh, yes,” she replied. “The lack of satisfaction I can’t ignore.”

I smiled and said, “Ask him to close the door.”

It wasn’t long before I heard her cries of elation

One look at him and I saw his frustration

He wanted to get in on the action

But this was a strictly female interaction 

He could grunt and grab his crotch

But it was me and her and he could only watch

I was paid triple the fee

Which was fine and you’ll agree

But I couldn’t understand why women fancied me 

Oh, sister 27. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop vi)

I ‘ad this fear of a bogeyman when I was a nipper

But real fear came in the form of the Ripper

Us ‘ores lived in terror of a possible attack

From the evil monster that called ‘imself Jack

It didn’t matter that ‘is crimes took place in the East End

On Robert we could no longer depend

Now and then ‘e would pitch

But spent most of ‘is time with that fancy bitch

I was curious to know what was goin’ on

Because to me it seemed that she ‘ad a thing for Siobhan

Siobhan was keepin’ stumm

And spent most of ‘er time alone in ‘er room

Yeah, so back to Jack

There was just no stoppin’ that maniac

The mood amongst the girls was very black

With every new customer there was the threat of attack

The Old Bill were doin’ their best but drawin’ a blank

Rumour ‘ad it that ‘e was a doctor and some said ‘e was a Yank

Some said that they’d saw ‘im fleein’ from a scene

Even some suggested that ‘e were related to the Queen

It was a terrible time to be an ‘ore

Shiverin’ and shakin’ when someone new came to the door

Like the American

What an obnoxious and creepy little man

And to top it all ‘e called ‘imself Dr Tripper

Bleedin’ ‘ell, it even rhymed with Ripper

I was ‘opin’ ‘e would choose one of the other three

And I was thinkin’ that it might ‘ave been Sally McGhee

But the grim little bugger opted for me

Well, it turned out that Dr Tripper weren’t the Ripper

And ‘e weren’t even a doctor an’ all

The man liked to pretend that ‘e was on a call

For a laugh I told ‘im that I ‘ad a runny nose

But the dirty little sod still made me take off me clothes

I suppose that was to be expected

And every single orifice was thoroughly inspected

Turnin’ me this way and that way for the examination

Even for an’ ‘ore it was ‘umiliation

And when ‘e was finished with ‘is inspection

This ghastly man told me that I would need an injection

Well, it was obvious that ‘e was referrin’ to ‘is todger

And the cure for my ailment was a damn good roger

That’s what ‘e said

And told me to get off the bed

I was asked to kneel on the floor

I’d never experienced shame like this before

And I cried out loud like a novice ‘ore

Normal copulation would ‘ave been just fine

Not the bleedin’ place where the sun don’t shine!

Five long minutes of degradation

With ‘im moanin’ with pleasure from ‘is own sensation

Afterwards the bugger ‘ad the cheek

To say that ‘e’d come to see me the followin’ week

And gave me two pills in case I felt weak

Oh, sister 26. (Memoirs of Robert Brown vi)

Giles’ funeral wis a lavish affair

But most were only there because they had tae be there

Absence would’ve been a huge disgrace

An’ there wis the risk of rebuff for not showin’ yer face

It wis the scandal

The shock for many wis too much handle

Giles’ masochistic ways

Found deid in an alley wearin’ women’s claes

And what exacerbated the horror even more

Wis the design o’ the dress that he wore

The favoured fashion o’ the common whore

The women at the service were highly critical

An’ the men were indubitably hypocritical

For many were regulars at ma door

Dressin’ like whores an’ so much more

Ma presence disturbed these familiar faces

Filled them wi’ fear that ah might air their disgraces

They approached me wi’ nervous smiles

No tae engage in small talk or chat aboot Giles

But tae offer me money tae shut ma mooth

Ah rebuked the reprobates for bein’ uncouth

And promised that ma lips would remain sealed

As long as ma identity wis never revealed

Ah wis eyed wi’ curiosity by the rest o’ the set

Wonderin’ who ah was an’ what ah wis daein’ wi’ Yvette

Yvette introduced me as an auld friend o’ Giles

An’ told them that for the funeral ah’d travelled many miles

Ah wis greeted by most wi’ politeness an’ smiles

But some were indifferent and ah got the occasional frown

“That’s strange,” ah heard wan o’ them say. “Giles never mentioned Lord Robert Brown.”

It didnae matter tae me because ah knew very soon

That Robert Broon wid be the talk o’ the toon

Or should ah say, Robert Brown would be the talk of the town

Ah had tae get used tae this new way o’ speakin’

Ah couldnae risk havin’ ma secret leakin’

Accordin’ tae Yvette ah did very well

An’ any hint o’ workin’ class would’ve been impossible tae tell

Deception is what ah dae best

An’ seein’ that ah past the test

Yvette informed the rest that ah wis her guest

An’ that ah’d be stayin’ wi’ her durin’ her time o’ grievin’

No that ah wis plannin’ oan leavin’

It wis a brilliant start

An’ ah really enjoyed playin’ the part

After the service we said oor goodbyes

An’ Yvette wiped the crocodile tears fae her eyes

Oh, ah have tae mention

Before we left ah had some female attention

An’ some forthright whispers o’ wicked intention

But Yvette wis the wan ah wis interested in

An’ as soon as we got home we gave in tae sin

The desire ignited as soon as we kissed

An’ ah realised that it wis somethin’ that ah sorely missed

Oh, sister 25. (Memoirs of Nerys Jones v)

I’d been gettin’ some nervous looks from Siobhan

But I sensed that there was more than an illicit affair goin’ on

I had a feelin’ that Robert knew

And things were bein’ kept from me and the other two

It was certain that he had some devious plan

Robert could be a very evasive man

I’d begun to get bored with the usual requests

From the effeminate fops and the pain lovin’ pests

But one day I got one like no other

When a middle aged man came with his elderly mother

I soon found out why

“I wish to be a grandmother before I die,” she informed me. “But this boy of mine is incredibly shy.”

His name was Cedric and he was forty years old

Always there for mother and doin’ what he was told

She told me that women filled him with dread

And if one even spoke to him he’d blush bright red

Such shyness in a man I’d never seen

His behaviour was like that of a pimply teen

What a sheltered life he’d led

Never had a woman ever shared his bed

Well, apart from mother when he had a nightmare

But that can’t compare to a passionate affair

It was a bit sad to hear of what he’d missed

The tragic little fellow hadn’t even been kissed

His mother had arranged for him to be married

And the poor little sod was understandably harried 

That’s why she brought him to me

To rid him of his terrible timidity

I agreed to try and teach him intimacy

And asked her to give us some privacy

“No!” she cried. “I’m here to observe!”

Crikey, the woman had a nerve

I didn’t want to argue and began to undress

Cedric was shakin’ from extreme distress

“Cedric, don’t be coy!” his mother yelled. “Remove your clothes at once, boy!”

I grimaced at the man’s pitiful cries

And gaped at him with utter surprise

When my nakedness made him cover his eyes

“Mummy,” he wailed. “Please!”

But she shook her head at his desperate pleas

“I’m not giving in to those pathetic cries,” she told him. “Go to the whore and make that thing rise.”

I didn’t know what to do with the sobbin’ wimp

For even after coaxin’ he still remained limp

“Perhaps if you go,” I said to the mother. “Maybe it’s you that’s causin’ his woe.”

“No!” she shouted. “I told you I was here to observe the show.”

I decided I would have to take it very slow

Try everythin’ I knew to make it grow

I even got down on my knees

With lips and tongue I began to tease

And then suddenly it burst into life

There was some hope for his future wife

To the bed I beckoned

And we didn’t waste another second

In a matter of seconds he was done

But at least the poor fellow had a bit of fun

And mother was happy with her brave little chappie

Oh, sister 24. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee v)

We all got requests that were exceptionally bizarre

But the ones that I got were crazier by far

Some were kinky and some were perverted

But seldom was I disconcerted

That was due to somethin’ that Robert had imparted

About a fool and his money and how soon they were parted

With Robert lookin’ out for us we never had to worry

A rowdy customer would have been removed in a hurry

Not that any did us harm

Robert might have had charm

But the Scot’s fiery temper was cause for alarm

All our efforts were appreciated

He just didn’t like a lass to be inebriated

That was somethin’ he never tolerated

But one night a customer came in

And wanted me to share his bottle o’ gin

Robert’s rule I had to ignore

This was easy money for a thirsty whore

So while I locked the door

The customer got two mugs and began to pour

Down the hatch they went and he filled them once more

I think I lost count after drink number four

But we carried on drinkin’ ‘til there was hardly any more

That’s when I stood up and fell to the floor

I managed to get up and stagger to the door

With difficulty I should add as my leg was sore

Oh, mercy me

I was really quite drunk and needed to pee

Moments later I was aghast

When the man I was with wouldn’t let me past

I began to plead

“Please, sir,” I said. “I have an urgent need.”

But he was totally unconcerned about my dismay

And when I tried to get past he blocked the way

I felt the pressure mountin’

And heard him mention somethin’ about a human fountain

That was to be me

And he was goin’ to be the W.C.

Well, at that point in time I didn’t care about humiliation

I was on the verge of desperation

So I quickly pulled my bloomers down

And he crawled eagerly underneath my gown

I instantly got goin’ and he cried out with elation

When he felt the gush of the sordid saturation

As soon as I was done I showed him the door

Excitedly he told me that he’d soon be back for more

“Ye can come back next week,” I said. “Bring another bottle o’ gin and I’ll provide the leak.”

Immediately I got goin’ and scrubbed the floor

And not long afterwards there was a knock on my door

“Sally, what the hell is goin’ on?” cried Siobhan.

I got up of the floor and swore

And then hid what was left o’ the gin and invited her in

“What happened to that man?” she asked. “He was absolutely soakin’.”

When I told her the truth she thought that I was jokin’

Oh, sister 23. (Memoirs of Siobhan MacGeary v)

So Robert and Yvette were plannin’ to wed

But I was the one that would be sharin’ her bed

Well, as soon as Giles was bumped off

I still wonder what she saw in that dreadful little toff

Prominence I suppose

More important than love to a toffee nose

He was a pompous swine

And that girly giggle and nasal whine

It was enough to drive ye insane

Payment was a bonus for inflictin’ pain

But I never wished him dead

Especially not naked in my bloody bed

A heart attack

It happened after I’d given him his umpteenth whack

His time was up and he was about to get dressed

When suddenly he cried and held his chest

Staggered backwards and fell on the bed

From the look o’ his eyes I could tell that he was dead

I can tell ye that I was in a state o’ disarray

I was still a bit shaky from the one the other day

I screamed for Robert as I didn’t know what else to do

Seconds later he came runnin’ through

“I think he’s dead,” I said with utter dread.

Robert went to look at him on the bed and nodded his head. “Aye, deid withoot havin’ tae bleed. This is very good news indeed. At least ah don’t have tae dae the grisly deed.”

I began to fret. “Oh, Robert, what are we goin’ to tell Yvette?”

“Don’t you worry, pet,” he said. “Ah’ll go an’ get Yvette. Ah’m sure she’ll no be that upset.”

“Do you have to go alone?” I asked. “I don’t fancy stayin’ here on my own.”

Before he left he kissed my cheek. “Ah better hurry,” he said. “It’ll no be long until he starts tae reek.”

He returned with Yvette within the hour

“Oh, Siobhan!” she cried. “Do not worry, my little flower.”

“Time tae get rid o’ the stiff,” Robert said. “Ah don’t want the hoose tae have a whiff.”

“Yes, there is little time for chat,” Yvette concurred. “Tell me, Robert, how are you going to do that?”

“He’s no too big an’ he’s no too fat,” Robert responded. “Siobhan, ah’ll need a dress an’ shoes an’ a wide brimmed hat.”

“Robert, I don’t understand,” said Yvette. “What exactly do you have planned?”     

“We’re goin’ tae expose his secret life,” Robert replied. “An’ you’ll get tae play the flabbergasted wife.”

“You mean to tell me that he’s going to be found?” cried Yvette. “Do you know how quickly word will get around?”

“Aye, don’t ye see?” Robert said. “That can only be good for me. We could wed immediately withoot raisin’ suspicion an’ ah can get started wi’ securin’ ma ambition.”

With the help o’ the undertaker we got the body away

And dumped him in a nearby alleyway

We dressed him in a bright pink gown

And the followin’ day it was the talk o’ the town

Very soon we’d all be free

As long as we kept it secret from the other three

The one that worried me the most was Nerys

She still hadn’t asked for money to hold her peace