Oh, sister 29. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee vi)

I’d been wonderin’ what was wrong with Miss MacGeary

Sittin’ in her room withdrawn and weary

But when she came home one day sad and teary

I couldn’t help but ask her, “What’s up, dearie?”

She threw her arms around me and instantly broke down

And babbled about the rich cow and Robert Brown

I must admit I hadn’t been aware

That Siobhan and the woman had been havin’ an affair

Affairs like these were mostly kept quiet

And few had the courage to even try it

Certainly not me

That kind o’ thing wasn’t for Sally McGhee

But there was no gettin’ away from the fact she’d been mistreated

And no wonder the poor lass was forlorn and defeated

That blasted Robert Brown

After a while he stopped comin’ aroun’

And that had nothin’ to with the treatment o’ Siobhan

It was the fact that all our money had gone

It wasn’t in the place where we usually kept

But that rotten scoundrel was very adept

And must have sneaked in while all o’ us slept

I suppose we only had ourselves to blame

All o’ us knew that the man had no shame

But we were determined to play the same game

And show the bugger that we could be just as shady 

And the first thing we were going to do was make me a lady

It was me that they chose

Because o’ my lovely shoes and fancy clothes

And to those two that made that wonderful donation

The time was ripe for some more manipulation

But who to choose

The one that wears the dresses or the one that sniffs the shoes

Remember when I was dreamin’ like a silly wee whore?

Wonderin’ if one o’ them would come through the door

And say, “Sally McGhee, will you marry me?”

Well, now I had to plant that seed

And find out which one had the greatest need

Which one would react with abject dismay

If I tearfully told them I was goin’ away

I had an idea that it’d be the one that had a fixation with shoes

He’d be so much easier to use and abuse

And I was right

He was dreadfully distraught when I told him one night

 “I cannot abide this life anymore,” I told him. “There is more to life than bein’ a whore. I need to be free and find someone who will marry me.”

“Please don’t do this, you’re all that I’ve got,” he sobbed. “Tell me that you’ll give it a little more thought.”  

“It is not my intention to be unkind,” I said. “I have given it thought and I’ve made up my mind.”

That’s when he got down on one knee

“My darling little whore, I can offer you more,” he said. “Please will you marry me?”

“Alas,” I said to him. “We are chalk and cheese.”

“It doesn’t matter to me, my little sweet pea,” he responded. “Just marry me, please!”

I couldn’t let my excitement show

So I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Oh, I don’t know.”

“I promise to teach you all you’ll need to know,” he cried. “Just marry me and say that you won’t go.”  

“I’m going to need a few days to decide what I want to do,” I responded. “But in the meantime, may I offer you my shoe?”