Oh, sister 26. (Memoirs of Robert Brown vi)

Giles’ funeral wis a lavish affair

But most were only there because they had tae be there

Absence would’ve been a huge disgrace

An’ there wis the risk of rebuff for not showin’ yer face

It wis the scandal

The shock for many wis too much handle

Giles’ masochistic ways

Found deid in an alley wearin’ women’s claes

And what exacerbated the horror even more

Wis the design o’ the dress that he wore

The favoured fashion o’ the common whore

The women at the service were highly critical

An’ the men were indubitably hypocritical

For many were regulars at ma door

Dressin’ like whores an’ so much more

Ma presence disturbed these familiar faces

Filled them wi’ fear that ah might air their disgraces

They approached me wi’ nervous smiles

No tae engage in small talk or chat aboot Giles

But tae offer me money tae shut ma mooth

Ah rebuked the reprobates for bein’ uncouth

And promised that ma lips would remain sealed

As long as ma identity wis never revealed

Ah wis eyed wi’ curiosity by the rest o’ the set

Wonderin’ who ah was an’ what ah wis daein’ wi’ Yvette

Yvette introduced me as an auld friend o’ Giles

An’ told them that for the funeral ah’d travelled many miles

Ah wis greeted by most wi’ politeness an’ smiles

But some were indifferent and ah got the occasional frown

“That’s strange,” ah heard wan o’ them say. “Giles never mentioned Lord Robert Brown.”

It didnae matter tae me because ah knew very soon

That Robert Broon wid be the talk o’ the toon

Or should ah say, Robert Brown would be the talk of the town

Ah had tae get used tae this new way o’ speakin’

Ah couldnae risk havin’ ma secret leakin’

Accordin’ tae Yvette ah did very well

An’ any hint o’ workin’ class would’ve been impossible tae tell

Deception is what ah dae best

An’ seein’ that ah past the test

Yvette informed the rest that ah wis her guest

An’ that ah’d be stayin’ wi’ her durin’ her time o’ grievin’

No that ah wis plannin’ oan leavin’

It wis a brilliant start

An’ ah really enjoyed playin’ the part

After the service we said oor goodbyes

An’ Yvette wiped the crocodile tears fae her eyes

Oh, ah have tae mention

Before we left ah had some female attention

An’ some forthright whispers o’ wicked intention

But Yvette wis the wan ah wis interested in

An’ as soon as we got home we gave in tae sin

The desire ignited as soon as we kissed

An’ ah realised that it wis somethin’ that ah sorely missed