I’ve never
been one to back down
Somethin’
just intrigued me about Robert Brown
He certainly
was a handsome man
But I knew
in his head there was a cunnin’ plan
And that
wicked grin
A tell-tale
sign that the Devil was within
So when I
asked him what was in it for me
“Sixty
percent for us,” he told me. “Forty for the other three.”
I might not
have had much education
But that
sounded to me like a fair allocation
“Jist leave
everythin’ tae me,” he said. “We’ll aw get rich, ye’ll see.”
And he was
right
We had
scores of punters every night
And we
worked from dusk ‘til mornin’ light
Well, you
couldn’t really call it work
Gratifyin’
some toffee nose’s quirk
Robert
instructed us to be polite to our guests
And each one
took charge of certain requests
Unless the
customer chose to select another
But usually
Siobhan got to act as a mother
It was
always me when it came to a smother
And Sally
Bein’ petite
Always had
demands for her neat little feet
Even Nancy
had her use
She had a
knack for verbal abuse
Screamin’
and shoutin’ in her Cockney twang
Confusin’
them too with her rhymin’ slang
It was
hardly a surprise that due to my size
That no
other was ever chosen to smother
I’d sit on
these men until they were gaspin’ for breath
Squashin’
some of them half to death
Occasionally
I’d have Nancy with me too
That was
always a right hullaballoo
As soon as
she’d hear one grunt
She’d
scream, “Shut your mouth, you slimy little …”
You know the
word that I mean
One that’s
obscene
Yes, she was
always that blunt
Addin’ to
the distress of the poor little runt
I got to
enjoy inflictin’ pain
A feelin’ of
power when I was usin’ my cane
A few even
asked me to be a schoolmaster
Crikey, at
first I thought that it would be a disaster
I didn’t
know much about writin’ and sums
But all they
wanted was whacks on their bums
It was quite
enthrallin’ bein’ dressed as a man
Givin’ their
behinds a jolly good tan
They were
tremendously happy to be abused
And if
Victoria had known she’d have been far from amused
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