Oh, sister 3 . (Memoirs of Siobhan MacGeary i)

My name is Siobhan MacGeary

And the life I’ve had has been far from dreary

I hail from Eire’s Donegal

And the power o’ femininity I learned from small

The power to sway and get my own way

Sugar and spice

But not so nice

A little sweetness was on offer

But for a very high price

Boys

They love to make noise

Tryin’ to act tough

But the sight o’ me in the buff was enough

To bring them to their knees

Beggin’ me please

Oh, how I loved to tease

Puberty was a blessin’ for me

I ripened very quickly, ye see

Into a pretty and curvaceous lass

Whistles from the boys when they saw me pass

Some sassy remarks of wicked intention

Each one tryin’ to get my attention

This went on for months on end

And it started to drive me around the bend

I suppose when I think o’ it

It was a shame

It wasn’t their fault

Hormones were to blame

A challenge was set

They had to give in order to get

Fight for the right to have a little piece of me

And also pay a generous fee

Sixteen shillin’s was what I required

For that the winner could have what he desired

The challenge was accepted

They were quick to decide

I knew they would

It was a matter of male pride

For weeks they were all well behaved

Each one wanted to win

And the money had to be saved

Eventually the day came and they battled it out

And Sean Malone won every bout

I stuck to the agreement but he didn’t get much

For sixteen shillin’s I allowed him to touch

But before he could kick up a storm

I warned him that I’d tell everyone that he couldn’t perform

That did the trick

He can only blame himself for thinkin’ with his…

You know what I mean

That appendage that makes all of them tick

Well, that was the first time I struck it rich

And that wee triumph was what made me a bitch

Little Siobhan

Learned to con

Decided to move to London to see what was goin’ on

That’s where I met Sally McGhee

In that wonderful den o’ iniquity

Northern Irish was she

She was the one that came up to me

“How would ye like to get off the street?” she asked. “If ye don’t yer morale will begin to deplete.”

“Aye,” I replied. “But a girl has to work if a girl wants to eat.”

“With me ye’ll do more than make ends meet,” she told me. “Men pay me just to kiss my feet.”