Oh, sister 9. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee ii)

After meetin’ Nerys my life certainly changed

I never imagined the nobility could be so deranged

While the rest o’ us contended with worry and strife

Fixations to them were more important in life

Ye have to wonder how they originated

Those needs that were so dissipated

Somethin’ must have triggered their bizarre concepts

Obsessions that only a whore accepts

With a whore they knew that their secret would be kept

One that didn’t care if they were sexually inept

If that were the case it wouldn’t have been a surprise

What does a man do when his manhood doesn’t rise?

He’d try somethin’ else to fulfil his desire

Somethin’ peculiar to stoke that fire

But ye never know with a toff

Perhaps the absurdity was what got them off

Like the one that liked to suck on my toe

Who they were we weren’t allowed to know

But me and the others named him Joe

They shared their secrets but never gave their names

We were just roles in their silly wee games

Joe was a midget but really quite sweet

With a compulsive desire to lick my feet

And suck my toes one by one

But to enhance his fun

It was requested that I be dressed as a nun

It never really mattered to me

I wasn’t of that particular faith, ye see

But poor Siobhan

Her face when she first saw me with the habit on

“Good grief!” she cried. “Have you gone celibate and changed you belief?”

“No, ye silly cow,” I replied. “It’s still the same Sally McGhee underneath.”

But each and every day

We were prepared for whatever came our way

Apart from the police

Mostly they left us in peace

But once when Robert forgot to pay

They quickly came around to take us away

We had to spend that weekend in a cell

And I can assure ye that it was a livin’ hell

Never again did he make that mistake

We had business to take care of and there was too much at stake

Our services we had to adjourn

But one week later saw the customers return

And things were even better than they were before

Many new faces arrived at the door

New obsessions and quirks galore

Money poured

But that was the thing we really adored