Oh, sister 20. (Memoirs of Nerys Jones iv)

Sally wasn’t the only one that got a visit from a copper

I did too and let me tell you

My boyo had an astoundin’ whopper

The problem was that it was a perpetual flopper

That poor boyo

Blessed with a giant that was only for show

I tried to arouse him with my usual tricks

But still it remained at half past six

I next expected twelve o’ clock

But at least a bit of movement from the useless bloody…

I shouldn’t mock

And at least I didn’t talk

Word would’ve made him a laughin’ stock

I tried rubbin’ it hard and caressin’ it slow

But still the bloody thing wouldn’t grow

Life had dealt him a bitter blow

And he always left here feelin’ low

I can’t say that I blame him for not gettin’ to grips

I even tried to use my lips

But no

His futile floppy didn’t want to know

It was dead

The poor lad’s longin’ was all in his head

Desire is human

But seein’ his anguish made me glad to be a woman

Ladies, imagine if you can

The plight of this unfortunate man

Instead of bein’ proud of bein’ well endowed

He was cursed with one of life’s unfortunate quirks

Havin’ a giant todger that never works

Oh, I can picture your smirks

But have you ever seen a man with tears in his eyes

In utter despair because his pride won’t rise

It was bloody tragic

Watchin’ him pray for a little bit of magic

And then fall to the floor and writhe on the ground

Makin’ the most pitiful sound

Eventually he stopped comin’ around

Rumour had it that the poor sod had drowned

And although a body was never found

Robert had met him in a pub one night

And told me that he sensed somethin’ wasn’t right

He knew the coppers and knew all their names

My flopper copper was Constable James

Robert got the impression that he was sufferin’ from depression

And when he said that he was plannin’ to jump in the Thames

Robert wasn’t sure if he was playin’ games

My belief is that he chose to die

And no one but I will ever know why