Friday, 8 July 2016

Oh, sister 37. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop viii)

It ‘ad all seemed too good to be true
Bein’ invited to a rich man’s do
We should have known there’d be method to Montgomery’s madness
Sally played her part feignin’ tears and sadness
After all, it was Robert we were out to get
And I really enjoyed the misery on the face of Yvette
Oh, Robert were terribly upset
And got a damn good ‘idin’ tryin’ to protect ‘is posh pet
You know what was really funny?
It weren’t ‘im that stole the bees and ‘oney
It were me that pinched the cash
And got meself a nice little stash
Now, why would Nancy ‘ave stooped to such treachery?
Is what you’re probably askin’ me
Well, because ‘e never noticed me
After we moved in with the other three
I was ‘ead over ‘eels with Robert Brown
But since ‘e started actin’ like a man about town
I was never given a second glance
All me life I’d ‘oped for romance
Never ‘ad I been in love before
And my feelings just got ‘arder to ignore
But to ‘im I was still Nancy the ‘ore  
I fancied ‘im since that first night we’d met
And ‘is love and affection I tried ‘ard to get
But no, ‘e ‘ad to go off with that bitch Yvette
That choice I set out to make ‘im regret
I wasn’t done yet
I felt a little bad about deceivin’ the other three
But Robert Brown belonged to me
And if that took an act of duplicity
That was ‘ow it was goin’ to be
I thought that Sally could ‘elp in bringin’ ‘im down to size
But Lord Montgomery’s actions were a ‘uge surprise
I initially thought that she were in control
But ‘e’d be better ‘elpin’ me achieve my goal
So, soon after that me plans were laid
The first thing I did was get rid of Sally’s maid
That weren’t too difficult to do
We’d engaged in somethin’ that were strictly taboo
And if exposed it’d have caused such a ‘uge ballyhoo
She knew what to do
She ‘ad no doubts in ‘er mind that I’d see it through
That’s ‘ow I became employed
And after a few days I was overjoyed
When ‘is Lordship started showin’ an interest in me
I needed ‘im to get rid of Sally McGhee
Divorce ‘er and marry me
I was extremely zealous
But I ‘ad to do somethin’ to make Robert jealous
Montgomery was enough to make any girl sick
But total obedience to that pompous …
Well, that was the only thing that’d do the trick
I’d spent most me life lyin’ on me back
A little sacrifice to get Robert back.

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