Oh, brother (part 21) by Grant Harbison

“What possessed you to do something so insane?” Brother Borium asked Brother Blaine.

“I wish I knew. It seems like crazy things happen when I partake in the brew.”

“Brother Blaine, I’d say the fault lies with you,” said Truman. “You partook in more than just a few. Last time I counted, you’d drunk twenty two.”

“We cannot allow squabbling to ensue,” said Borium. “We have to figure out what we’re going to do.”

“The others will question why Brother Ilirium has vanished,” said Truman. “We can’t tell the truth otherwise Brother Blaine will be banished.”

“Brother Grover is bound to take over,” said Borium. “He is very sly and can easily detect a lie.”

“Brothers be blessed,” said Blaine. “But I do think it would be wiser if I confessed.”  

“Brother Blaine, let Truman and I decide what’s best. Now let us go to Brother Grover. A terrible tragedy I shall attest.”

The monks met Brother Grover in the monastery garden

“Brother Grover,” said Borium. “Begging your pardon.”

“Just say what you have to say, Brother Borium. I haven’t got all day.”

Borium gave him a look of dismay. “I have some terrible news I must relay. Our dear Brother Ilirium departed us today. Viking swords were responsible for his demise. Savage slaying before our very eyes.”

“Slain!” cried Grover as he looked sceptically at Borium and Truman, and then Blaine with disdain. “Then why were the three of you spared the same fate? Viking bloodlust does not abate.”

“Perhaps it was Brother Ilirium’s retaliation that caused their irritation. We were simply laughed at for our hesitation.”

“Brother Ilirium has been very brave. We must bring him home and dig him a grave.”

“I’m afraid, Brother Grover, that can’t be done, as we have already dug him one. We buried him where he was slain and to bring him home would have been such a strain.”   

“We are duty bound to bury him in hallowed ground.”

“Very well, Brother Grover, tomorrow shall we three bring him back to the monastery.”

“How are we going to solve our plight?” asked Truman later that night.    

“Relax, Brother Truman,” replied Borium with a grin. “If we can’t give them Ilirium, then we can always use his twin.”

“Borium, what is going on in your head? Barium is very much alive, not dead.”

“Not for much longer methinks. Blaine has already had a few drinks.”