Oh, brother (part 84) by Grant Harbison

“What dae ye want, ya wee Sassenachs?” asked one of the guards when Borium and Truman arrived at Lord MacBlach’s.

“My dear man, please refrain from drawing your sword,” responded Borium. “We have an urgent matter to discuss with the lord.”

“What makes ye think that he wants tae see you? Tell me what it’s aboot an’ ah might let ye through.”

“I’m afraid that it’s something I cannot discuss. It’s a private matter between the lord and us.”

“Yer reason better be good. The laird is in a rotten mood.”

“I wouldn’t fear,” said Truman. “What we have to say he’ll definitely want to hear.”

“Aye, we’ll see. Wait here the noo an’ ah’ll see if he’s free.”

It didn’t take long for the guard to reappear

“Whatever ye have tae, he’s prepared tae hear,” he told them. “Don’t speak until he speaks tae you. Is that clear?”

Borium and Truman nodded in understanding

“Good, first door tae the left at the top o’ the landin’.”

They walked up the stairs and knocked on the door

“Come in!” they heard Laird MacBlach roar.

Both immediately entered and knelt on the floor

MacBlach eyed them with disdain. “Ah never thought ah’d be seein’ you two again.”

Borium immediately tried to regain the words from Blaine

“Well, what dae ye want tae say?” MacBlach asked them. “Speak, ah havnae got aw bloody day!”

“Sir, we’re here about the unfortunate death of Hamish MacCann,” replied Borium. “We are here to inform you that you killed the wrong man.”

“So, it wis Deplorium that robbed me. Am ah right?”

“Yes, sir,” replied Truman. “And he’s planning to do it again this very night.”

“That crafty wee...”

“Yes, sir. He’s vile and corrupted,” Borium interrupted.

“Or maybe this is some kind o’ trick,” said MacBlach as he raised his sword. “Tell me the truth or ah’ll cut off yer…”

“It’s the truth!” cried Borium before he became physically sick.

“Good, noo tell me his plan. It’s time ah got rid o’ that despicable man.”    

Oh, brother (part 83) by Grant Harbison

Maude heard the horse whinny in the middle of the night

Not his usual nicker

But one of extreme fright

Wrapped in a blanket and with Paine holding tight

She went back to sleep and ignored his plight

She awoke in the early morn with a start

 “Paine!” she yelled and placed her hands on her heart. “Someone has taken the horse. All we are left with is the cart!”

“But how can that be?” responded Paine. “I never heard a thing, nor did I see.”

“I heard the horse neigh like it was distressed, but I fell asleep again as I needed the rest.”

“It looks like we’ll have to go further on foot,” sighed Paine. “I just hope we can find an easier route.”

They grabbed their belongings and started on their way

And strode with perseverance for most of the day

Not long after day became night

They stumbled upon a peculiar sight

In front of them stood a mansion made of stone

With a knocker on the front door that looked like human bone

“Paine, I don’t like what I see,” said Maude. “I think it would be best if we turn and flee.”

“I agree that it does look rather creepy, but I need somewhere to lay my head. I’m terrible sleepy.”

Before they could utter anything more

They heard a creak and stared at the open door

Both staggered backwards and screamed with fright

When they came face to face with a man eight feet in height

“What do you want at this time of night?” he snarled. “This is the property of Countess Sweet Lilly White.”

“Who is it, Clyde?” someone with a high pitched voice yelled from inside. “Do we have guests?”

“No, Countess,” replied the man at the door. “It’s just a couple of pests.”

“Clyde, don’t be such a bore. Give me a moment and I’ll come to the door.”

Maude and Paine gasped when they eyed the flamboyant creature

Who wore a glitzy blue dress fit for a princess but had a face slightly manly in feature

“Good evening, Countess,” greeted Paine. “I must say that I simply love your dress.”

“Yes, just one of the many I wear to impress. It’s all the mania in Transylvania. Come inside, it’s cold outside. Some food and some beds will be arranged by Clyde.”

“There’s something a little odd about Countess White,” said Paine as she and Maude lay in bed that night.

“Yes,” Maude concurred. “Methinks that Sweet Lilly White is a sweet transvestite.”    

Oh, brother (part 82) by Grant Harbison

Blaine looked for Deplorium the following morn

And found him outside looking forlorn

“Deplorium, ye look a sight. I take it that ye had a restless night?”

“Aye, ah’m completely worn. Ah tried tae come tae a decision, but ma mind is torn.”

“Deplorium, ye’ll continue to despair if ye do not dare.”

“Blaine, ye’re jist tryin’ tae coax me because you want a share.”

“No, that wouldn’t be fair.”

“Then why do ye care?”

For a second Blaine felt a crushing remorse

But it was immediately replaced by the words of the horse

“Blaine, did ye hear?”

“I heard yer voice, but the words weren’t clear.”

“Yer mind jist seemed tae disappear.”

“I’ll be fine. Don’t you fear.”

“Any decision ah make may be one that ah’ll rue. Ah wis askin’ what would be in it for you?”

“Don’t ye be concerned about me. Do what ye have to do and ye could be rich and free.”

“Ye’ve made up ma mind an’ ah’m goin’ tonight. Ah may need some assistance. Would that be awright?”

“Aye, but for now ye’ll need tae get some rest. For a task such as this ye’ll need to be at yer best.”

As soon as he got rid of Deplorium

Blaine went in search of Truman and Borium

When he found them still sleeping in their beds

He fetched a bucket of water and poured it on their heads

Blaine laughed loud at their cries of alarm. “It’s only water. It can’t do any harm.”

“Blaine, that wasn’t nice!” yelled Truman. “That water is as cold as ice!”

“There was no need for that!” cried Borium. “What do you think you’re playing at!”

“Now that ye’re both awake, I have somethin’ to say. Remember when ye heard the horse neigh?”

“Yes,” replied Borium. “And an instruction that you, and only you, we must obey.”

“To adhere to your command,” said Truman. “What do you demand?”

“I demand that you go to the house o’ the laird and tell him that he must be prepared. Deplorium has planned to rob him tonight and he’ll need his guards in case he puts up a fight. Tell him that he‘s executed an innocent man, as the previous robbery was Deplorium and not Hamish MacCann. That is my command. Do ye understand?”

“Message received loud and clear. ” replied Borium. “We shall leave at once without delay and what you have told us we will convey.”  

Oh, brother (part 81) by Grant Harbison

Blaine was up at the crack of dawn

And scrubbed himself thoroughly before putting a new robe on

With a feeling of devil may care

He stepped outside into brisk morning air

And made his way to the stable to see the mare

“Top o’ the mornin’ to ye, Bess?” he greeted when he arrived at the stable. “It’s a nice mornin’ for a stroll if ye’re willin’ and able.”

“Away you an’ scoot!” moaned Bess. “It’s too bloody early an’ the sun isnae oot!”

“Oh, don’t be in such a grumpy mood. Come on, it’ll do ye good.”

“Monk, are you oot o’ yer mind. Mention a walk again an’ ah’ll kick yer behind.”

Blaine looked at Bess with dismay. “I thought it would be a great way to start the day.”

“Blaine, is your hearin’ impaired? I sincerely hope not, because ah’ve got somethin’ oan ma mind that needs tae be shared. It concerns you, the other three an’ the laird.”

“Sweet Bess, cast away yer fears. Whatever ye wish to tell me, I’m all ears.”

Blaine listened carefully as she began to explain

For a moment it felt like something was piercing his brain

But the feeling quickly passed and he listened once again

“Right, it’s time ye were oan yer way,” said Bess when she’d finished what she had to say.

“I shall see to yer demand  without delay.”

“That’s a good boy. Noo go away!”

Back at the monastery he met with Deplorium

Truman was still asleep

As was Borium

“Deplorium, rumour has it that ye’re a bit o’ a cad.”

“That may be so, Blaine, but ah’m no aw bad.”

“What would ye say if I told ye there’s treasure to be had?”

“Ah would say that ah’d want tae hear more. Talk of treasure ah find hard tae ignore.”

“I heard a wench talk o’ riches untold. But if one were to secure, then one would have to be bold.”

Deplorium gave him a dubious stare. “Where?”

“Where the laird o’ the manor sleeps there’s a secret door. Inside that room there are riches galore.”

“If that wis true, why would she tell you?”

“It was to another that she relayed. I just happened to hear what she said.”

“Not a word tae anyone, Blaine. Ah’ll ponder this tonight in bed.”

Oh, brother (part 80) by Grant Harbison

“Now we are getting somewhere!” cried Shear with delight. “Firstly the women and now this pathetic pair.”

“Ah jist love daein’ the voice o’ the horse,” chuckled Beryl. “It’s so deliciously wicked, yet wi’ nae cause for remorse. Aye, so much fun. Sheer, have ye thought aboot what ye’re gonnae dae wi’ the sleekit one?”

“I presume that means sly.”

“Aye.”

“Yes, the other one is far too sly. So trying to lure him with the horse’s eye wouldn’t even be worth a try.”

“Perhaps some honey,” suggested Jess. “From what I been seein’, he be sweet on money.”

“Yes. Wonderful idea, Jess,” said Ilirium. “A deceptive treasure trail could be given to Blaine by Bess.”

“Aye, that sounds good tae me tae,” said Beryl. “Shear, what dae ye say?”

“It’s something to contemplate. But it totally relies upon him taking the bait.”

“Blaine might be a foolish wretch, but back at the monastery I saw him do a fair sketch,” said Ilirium. “If we could get him to draw a treasure map, then Blaine could lead him to a trap. One where he won’t be able to break free, allowing better control of the other three.”

“The problem be where to trap him in that wilderness,” said Jess.

“There is something else I could have prepared,” proposed Shear. “But this would require that he not be scared of going once again to the house of the laird. If Blaine can convince him there are riches to be found, it’ll only be a matter of time before he goes back under the ground.”

“A tricky situation,” said Beryl. “He’d want tae ken where Blaine got the information.”

“What if he said that on his journey he overheard it being relayed?” suggested Ilirium. “Perhaps from a former worker. Maybe a scullery maid?”

 “I’m not so sure,” replied Shear. “The explanation of the acquired information seems rather poor and maybe not enough to lure. We are dealing with someone who is cunning and wise. Someone who trusts no one but himself may see through the lies.”

Ilirium let out a sigh. “We’ll never know if we never try.”

Shear looked at their hopeful stares.

“Fine,” she said after a few moments. “Nothing can be gained if no one dares.”

“Great!” cried Ilirium. “I can’t wait.”

“But all three will have to listen carefully to me. Especially you, Beryl. One little mistake could cause great peril. Fortunately Blaine is too large to go down the tunnel that leads to the house of the laird. Due to what happened the last time, it would be understandable that the other two will be scared. Once he’s gone underground, Blaine will look for anything that can be found, and seal the hole to prevent an escape by the sly little troll. The other two shall go to the laird and reveal that once again he is planning to steal. Their testimony that he was the one responsible before shall cause a huge uproar; and when he goes up through the cellar door, greedily anticipating, the laird and his men shall be waiting.”

“A wonderful plan, my dear,” said Jess. “With you on our side we shall never fear.” 

Oh, brother (part 79) by Grant Harbison

“One cannot share love, nor can one borrow,” said Claude to Maude with a heart filled with sorrow. “Be happy with your new love. I shall depart tomorrow.”

“Claude, it doesn’t have to be this way.”

“I’ve said all I want to say.”

“It doesn’t mean that you have to go away. You can still journey with Paine and I. Please stay.”

“If it was a man, he’d have been immediately slain. But Paine? Perhaps I was blind, for never would I have thought that you would betray me with the female kind. Nay, I cannot stay.”

Maude began to weep. “You are still a friend I’d like to keep.”

“Nay, I’m afraid that my love runs too deep. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really need to get some sleep.”

“I take it that he’s not impressed,” said Paine to Maude when Claude went to rest.

“Oh, Paine, I seem to have sparked great disdain. He is leaving in the morn and I may never see him again.”

“He caught you having sex with a woman. I’d say that his feelings are only human.”

“I know. It’s just going to be so hard letting go.”

“Maude, come hither and let me embrace. Let me hold you tight and kiss your tear stained face.”

Maude went to the arms of Paine and her tears fell like rain

And with bittersweet passion they made love again

They awoke the following morn to a bird’s sweet song

Maude beamed brightly as Paine whistled along

The clouds had disappeared and the winter sun shone

But their joy instantly faded when they saw that Claude had gone

Maude let out a sigh. “I thought at least he would’ve said goodbye. Now that we have a different situation, is there any no point in heading to our planned destination?”

“I must give Blaine an explanation.”

“But what if you find there’s still a flame?”

“There won’t. Now that I have you I’ll never be the same.”

Oh, brother (part 78) by Grant Harbison

“This is madness, Borium. We both know that the man is unstable,” whispered Truman as they followed Blaine to the stable.

“Truman, do you really think I’d risk my life? As a precautionary measure I’ve brought a knife.”

“Stop yer chatterin’ and get a move on, you pair. Ye’ll be amazed when ye hear this articulate mare.”

“If you would just slow your pace, Brother Blaine!” moaned Borium. “This is not a race! Truman, don’t you worry, I’ll watch your back. I have the knife ready in case of attack.”

“Okay Blaine, time to let us in on the joke,” said Truman when they arrived at the stable and saw him giving the horse a stroke.

“I swear it’s true. Just give me a chance and I’ll prove it to you.”

“Not that we really care,” said Borium. “Do what you have to do and let’s hear the mare.”

“Bess, say hello to Borium and Truman. Let them hear you talk like a human.”

Bess said nothing and simply stared

“What’s wrong, Blaine?” asked Borium. “Don’t tell me that she is scared.”

“I said it was a joke,” said Truman. “Blaine, next time you’ll have to be better prepared.”

“Perhaps if she had wings and a beak,” chuckled Borium. “Maybe then she’d be able to speak.”

“Monk, you’re gettin’ oan ma wick,” said Bess. If ye don’t stop yer cheek ah’ll knock ye down wi’ a hefty kick.”

“Do ye believe me now?” Blaine interjected. “I told ye it wasn’t a trick.”

Borium and Truman trembled with fear

“Keep her away!” yelled Borium. “Don’t let her near.”

“Don’t be afraid,” said Blaine. “She’s really a dear.”

“Aye, as long as ye show me respect,” said Bess. “Dae ye hear?”

“Yes,” replied Borium. “Loud and clear.”

“Good. Ah dinnae like it when people are rude. Noo come here, the pair o’ ye an’ apologise.”

The two of them walked over and stared at her eyes

“Ah’ll say this once and never again,” she said. “Fae now on ye only listen tae  Blaine. Dae ye understand?”

“Yes,” replied Borium. “He is in command.”

“Yes, replied Truman. “Whatever he asks of me, I shall obey.”

“That’s what ah want tae hear ye say. Now, go back tae Blaine an’ go away. It’s time for me tae feast oan hay.”