Oh, sister 37. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop viii)

It ‘ad all seemed too good to be true

Bein’ invited to a rich man’s do

We should have known there’d be method to Montgomery’s madness

Sally played her part feignin’ tears and sadness

After all, it was Robert we were out to get

And I really enjoyed the misery on the face of Yvette

Oh, Robert were terribly upset

And got a damn good ‘idin’ tryin’ to protect ‘is posh pet

You know what was really funny?

It weren’t ‘im that stole the bees and ‘oney

It were me that pinched the cash

And got meself a nice little stash

Now, why would Nancy ‘ave stooped to such treachery?

Is what you’re probably askin’ me

Well, because ‘e never noticed me

After we moved in with the other three

I was ‘ead over ‘eels with Robert Brown

But since ‘e started actin’ like a man about town

I was never given a second glance

All me life I’d ‘oped for romance

Never ‘ad I been in love before

And my feelings just got ‘arder to ignore

But to ‘im I was still Nancy the ‘ore  

I fancied ‘im since that first night we’d met

And ‘is love and affection I tried ‘ard to get

But no, ‘e ‘ad to go off with that bitch Yvette

That choice I set out to make ‘im regret

I wasn’t done yet

I felt a little bad about deceivin’ the other three

But Robert Brown belonged to me

And if that took an act of duplicity

That was ‘ow it was goin’ to be

I thought that Sally could ‘elp in bringin’ ‘im down to size

But Lord Montgomery’s actions were a ‘uge surprise

I initially thought that she were in control

But ‘e’d be better ‘elpin’ me achieve my goal

So, soon after that me plans were laid

The first thing I did was get rid of Sally’s maid

That weren’t too difficult to do

We’d engaged in somethin’ that were strictly taboo

And if exposed it’d have caused such a ‘uge ballyhoo

She knew what to do

She ‘ad no doubts in ‘er mind that I’d see it through

That’s ‘ow I became employed

And after a few days I was overjoyed

When ‘is Lordship started showin’ an interest in me

I needed ‘im to get rid of Sally McGhee

Divorce ‘er and marry me

I was extremely zealous

But I ‘ad to do somethin’ to make Robert jealous

Montgomery was enough to make any girl sick

But total obedience to that pompous …

Well, that was the only thing that’d do the trick

I’d spent most me life lyin’ on me back

A little sacrifice to get Robert back.