Do ya remember
That
barber-guy
The one who
was
A bit too
shy
To kill
quick
And dice the
bits
Like
friendly Jack
And leave
them poems
For the
Police
With the
left-over bits?
(Ye I know
I used
"bits" twice
But this
here
Is a jail-house
rhyme
And I ain't
the most
Edicated
guy)
Well, he
lived
With me Mum,
for
Both bizness
and fun:
He rented a
room
Upstairs for
two bits
Harvested
beards
And played
with her tits.
So one day
Mum
Says to
Todd:
"Listen
here, Sweeney,
Ain't no bit
of kidney
In this
whole
Damned City
To be had
For a penny.
Not for love
And not for
money
I even
promised
The Butcher
I'd flog his
dog
But he cried
And admitted
He had no
hog
To supply
that
Prime kidney
I need for
my pies."
"The
truth is,
Sweet Sweeney,
The Swine
Flu
Done killed
Every piggy
So I guess
we is done.
I can’t keep
doing
The pork
pie-gig
And your
barbering
Ain't
turning the trick
So we gonna
be
Out on the
street."
Now Sweeney
weren't
The kind of
guy
To lie back
and cry
When life
pokes him
In the eye -
(Not like
some
We could
mention
Who cried in
detention
When
Turn-Key Mike
Poked him in
the arse
With his
stanchion)
So he thinks
And he
ponders
And he finds
him
Some answers
By dicing
And slicing
His ethics
Along with a
few
Of his
clients.
Not to cut
it too fine-
(Mum said ye
should dice
kidney in
half inch slices
No more and
no less)
He kept Mum
Supplied
with kidneys
Liver and
lights
And long-hog
on the sly,
And even
that uppity
Police
Commissioner
Used to come
slumming
To East
London
To buy me
Mum's
Special
Sweeney Todd
Steak and
Kidney Pie!
As for the
how and the why
I'm in the
slammer?
I followed
the family
Into a life
of crime
And wielded
a hammer
When I got
nostalgic
For me Mum's
Special
Recipe
Steak and
Kidney
With that
brown sauce
On the
side...
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