Contrary Mary by Grant Harbison

If you knew Mary like I knew Mary

Before she took up whoring on the prairie

Then you’d know that the old Mary was quite contrary

And folks for miles were extremely wary

Mary was a recluse who lived with a canary

In a ramshackle dwelling that was extremely airy

With a garden that looked rather scary

There were no silver bells or cockleshells

Nor pretty maids in a row

The place was a shambles and apart from the brambles

Nothing else would ever grow

Although she had visitors now and then

They were usually from the church and never men

Men were wary of Mary

As she was the largest girl on the prairie

And none were prepared to nestle

With a girl who could beat them in an arm wrestle

But before I get too boring

Let me tell you why Mary went whoring

An outsider arrived one day in May

Who admired her beauty and offered to pay

Mary was shy and didn’t know what to say

But the whole experience blew her away

And that was the start of it all

From decency Mary did fall

Mary is now popular

She’s everyone’s honey

And she loves the attention and all of that money